3xpwriting

As part of my final assessment for my Dutch course, I had to pick a topic and talk more about my job, a childhood memory, or a memory with my grandparents. Of course, I selected my job because I want to be able to explain what I do in Dutch.

Recently, I’ve been thinking more and more about being a freelance journalist in my 20s. When I tell somebody “I’m a full-time freelancer now,” they get super excited and congratulate me on my success. But the truth is not so pretty – especially being a young woman.

People often imagine freelancing as the dream job: you work when you want, do what you love, and choose your own path. However, nobody talks about the lack of health insurance, the absence of colleagues to ask for feedback or the daily struggle of navigating everything alone.

Freelancing has two sides. There is the bright side – the days I feel full of energy and ready to conquer the world. I am productive, following up on emails and chasing deadlines. Of course, I have the freedom to work from anywhere: at home, a café, Mallorca, or the Caribbean. As long as I meet my deadline, the location doesn’t matter. The freedom can be addicting.

This comes at a cost, though.

This is the ugly side – the part that is consuming me, yet it is rarely discussed. Not having a team to rely on or anyone to ask for feedback can feel extremely lonely. Sometimes, I am just writing from my couch, questioning life and whether I am doing anything right. What about the imposter syndrome, doubting every accomplishment, fearing that I’m a big fraud?

And then the moments I wake up anxious and I feel scared to leave the house, doubting whether I’m good enough. Feeling afraid to approach somebody and ask them for an interview because that’s my job – it can feel extremely overwhelming.

There is also the constant pressure to keep pitching. Every day it lingers in the back of my mind – what story to tell, how to shape it, whether the editor will like it, whether I’ll hear the awaited “yes.” And then when I don’t – when my pitch gets rejected or even worse – I get ghosted – it hurts. Every single time. Being rejected by an editor hurts more than being rejected by a crush. It makes me question my entire journey and everything I have worked towards. Maybe I’m not a good writer. Maybe I am just not good enough. Maybe I should just quit.

Beyond the ups and downs, there a third, less glamorous and even more unpopular side that nobody really warned me about: keeping everything intact, legal, and organized. Finding clients, setting boundaries, and standing up for myself because if I don’t as somebody once told me, I’ll get “bullied” by these publications. This is the side of chasing invoices and figuring out payment terms.

Most days, I wear many hats – journalist, accountant, assistant, social media manager – all at once. And then, some days, I can’t even look at my laptop without feeling the need to just hide under a blanket.

There is no happy ending to this piece. It’s just my thoughts and reflections about being a freelancer.